I’d play the Blues, but apparently that has a lot of chords.

Guitar lesson, number one: I’ll read the book!

I’m good at books. I love instructions. (Seriously, you need to put together something IKEA® and I’m your gal.) Okay, the Guitar Chord Bible starts with “Introduction.” Well, that’s handy seeing as how I’m new to this whole guitar thing. Next, “How to use this book.” Numbered lists, arrowed illustrations, color coding—I’m in instructional heaven! Next, “The fingerboard.” Um, wow. A lot of stuff goes on with these guitars, but I’m still okay. Let’s keep going. “Chord Directory.” We start with C.

This is fret one so finger one goes here and finger two goes over here and finger three—we’re stretching a bit now—goes here and strum. And strum. Is it supposed to sound like that? Strum. Something’s off. Strum. My hand kinda looks like the picture. Strum.

Then I turn the guitar over.

Hey, that’s much better!

Apparently, it helps when you hold the guitar the right way.

Okay, let’s move on to…C. There are five C chords. No wait there’s ... flipping ... flipping ... flipping ... according to this book there are at least 90 variations on the C chord!

How does anyone play guitar? How was the guitar ever invented? Why? Why would they do this? There are two to three chords on each page and the book is 253 pages long?

I look at my songbook as though some answers might lie there. I can in no way relate what is printed in the songbook to what is being illustrated so clearly in the Guitar Chord Bible.

Clearly, I’m tired after my first guitar lesson. I’m sure guitar lesson, number two, will be much better.

Capone, P. (2006). Guitar chord bible: Over 500 illustrated chords for rock, blues, soul, country, jazz, and classical. London: Quarto Publishing PLC.