A few years ago I broke a mirror. It was May and I was moving and in my packing rush the mirror paid the price. Did I as well? I remember thinking to myself with a slight laugh, “Well, there goes the next seven years.” Then I froze and realized that, as I was 23 at the time, I would be suffering bad luck till I was 30! That seemed like eons of time at that particular moment.
Am I superstitious? Not really. Well…
I read my horoscope everyday. I talk about things as omens. I often say things like, “Well, that just means it’s fate…” I don’t really believe these things though. I mean, not really. I’ve never based a major life decision on which house my moon is in or anything like that.
So, why am I so interested? Why do I know things like you don’t want the ace of swords to come up in your tarot card reading or that if you want to sell a house you should bury St. Francis upside down in your front yard? I suppose I’d like it if these things were true. It’s somewhat comforting to believe that when I bit my friend’s head off this morning it was because of the position of Mars, not that I was too tired to be polite. There is a certain amount of hope that the good luck symbols on my bracelet are strong enough to keep that one particular coworker from finding yet another flaw in our product. It’d be nice if all I had to do to make my life easier was wait for May.
Little superstitions help dull one’s sense of responsibility in other areas as well. I often have trouble making decisions. Whether big or small, it seems every change in my life has to be held for a standard internal debate period. It’s nice when my horoscope reassures me that today’s the day I should confront a loved one, or that this week isn’t the best to establish a new habit. Even as I read the words, though, I know they’re self-fulfilling prophecies. The only days I nod in agreement with my numerology report is when it already agrees with my established agenda. On the days where it in no way meets my expectations I laugh at how silly such things are and go about my way.
It’s like flipping a coin when you have to make a decision. Either it really doesn’t matter and both options are equally good and the coin flip will decide for you; or, as soon as you see which side comes up, you’ll know for sure which way you really wanted it to land based on your reaction. Plus, there’s the added benefit that if everything goes wrong with the choice you make, you can blame the gods of coin flipping.
Do silly little habits make me a better Anne? No, but after a really awful morning it’s nice to know there’s only four months till May.
Neo: “Morpheus, the Oracle said…”Morpheus: “The Oracle said exactly what you needed to hear.”