2010

I was out celebrating New Year’s Eve when my friend Rae asked me, “So, any resolutions?”

Well, no.

I didn’t make a conscious decision not to have resolutions, it just didn’t occur to me. I suppose it is because I didn’t really keep any of the ones I made the previous year. I’m not sure I accomplished anything terribly momentous in 2009. If any word describes 2009 for me, it’s unresolved.

I’m not trying to be dramatic. I have some great memories from the past year, but as I switch calendars I can’t help but notice that all the things that were bothering me at the beginning of 2009 are the same things that are bothering me at the beginning of 2010. My job is still unfulfilling, I still feel like I should be more ambitious, I still feel unhealthy in some of my habits, I still have this nagging doubt that I’m the one that’s getting in my own way.

I’m a big believer that the only one who can change me is me. I’m the only one who kick my own ass into doing something positive. I’m the only one who can kick my own ass and beat myself up and keep me from changing. I know this because I’ve changed myself for the better before. I’ve also talked myself out of a lot of good things due to fear and doubt. It’s a bit frustrating to find myself here again listening to the same internal dialog: I’ve got to do something, but it’s so hard, but I’m unhappy, but it could be worse…

At midnight the bar handed out cups of free champagne to toast the New Year. We all cheered and toasted one another and then swallowed some of the cheapest, nastiest if-you-want-to-call-it-champagne ever. I put my cup down and turned to one of my fellow partygoers, “I resolve to not drink cheap champagne in 2010!” She laughed and said, “Yeah, me too.”

That’s my resolution. I’m going to stop doing the stuff that makes me unhappy, and do stuff that makes me happy. It’d be a nice change.

Happy 2010!